Sandy’s Top 10 List Of Things To Do…

…to keep from writing

Let me start this with a disclaimer. I managed to finish two pages this morning when I got the idea I was going to take a vacation day in the hopes of writing at least 8 more pages. And this is what happened.

10. Decided I didn’t have enough books in my to-be-read pile and took a trip to the book store to get two more. I had a mission. I only wanted two books but the first book store didn’t have anything and ended up going to two others.

 9. Suffered hot flashes and cramps at last book store and even though I was ready to check out whimpered around in circles for a few more moments until I could make it to the register. Since I was the only person in the store I’m sure they were watching me on surveillance.

8. Tank on empty had to get gas.

7. Stopped to buy cigarettes and had to take out a loan. (note to self just quit damn it)

6. Came home without too much whimpering, had a bowl of cereal, Special K and Cheerios, added a pound of sugar to big heaping bowl.

5. Sat down on bed with one of the new books and stretched out puppy that left me little room, and fell asleep after reading page two.

4. Woke up when pest control guy rang door bell to tell me he was going to spray the backyard. Now I’m groggy and crampy. Puppy is none too happy either and we try to resume nappy hour to no avail.

3. Move lethargic self into home office to get more writing done, sit at computer and notice one of the two beach pictures has fallen off armour. Now armoire looks out of place. I get new self adhesive hook and stick picture back up. Much better.

2. Hand on keyboard I’m ready to type and notice wall of art hanging above computer has an open space perfect for another flamingo masterpiece. Go to garage to get hammer and nail and notice the little black doily on top garbage lid has popped off. (Why they have to make garbage can lids with little black doilies is beyond me. What is the purpose for the doily anyway? To air out the garbage? All doily does is pop off all the time. It must be a man thing.) Make note to self while looking for nail to hang flamingo masterpiece to fix black doily. Find nail and hammer and proceed back into office, where picture that has just been rehung has fallen down again. Groaning with another cramping session coming on followed by a chaser of hot flash, I hang Flamingo masterpiece in open spot on the wall.

1. Next, look through junk drawer to find Super Glue and take care of the doily. With Super Glue in hand that’s stuck to some mini travel case that holds bandaides, I go to the garbage lid but doily is missing. Search high and low for doily and after a few moments find it. Put Super Glue around the hole on garbage lid (not going to try and apply directly to doily. I’m not going to get stuck) but little plastic bandaide case makes drawing a circle difficult and Super Glue spurts out everywhere. But damn it, I’m going to glue that doily on if it kills me. In the process of applying little black doily foot gets caught in glue spatter and the lid gets stuck too but the doily is on. I even attempted to put back on the cap to the glue with the little bandaide case, all while in bondage to the garbage can lid and the garage floor. Now there is a shoe and garbage lid attached to the garage floor but that dang doily is securely fastened. Go looking for little tiny nail which will be used as surgical instrument to hang picture that wants nothing to do with self adhesive plastic hook. Once found I hang picture and we’re done. Now picture isn’t going anywhere!

 Can you say A.A.D.D?

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2 Responses to “Sandy’s Top 10 List Of Things To Do…”

  1. Sandy –

    A.A.D.D.??? I’d say more O.C.D. but that’s just my 30-years-ago Psychology degree kicking in. So… what the hell do I know??!!

    This was your BEST blog entry yet!!! By the end of your Top Ten countdown I was absolutely howling. I should probably preface it and say I was laughing WITH you but truth be known… I think I was laughing AT you (and all your reactions to the subsequent and ever-changing array of events). I was actually thinking at one point that you were going to combine 2 of your more frustrating annoyances and just cut to the chase and be done with it by nailing the garbage doily (whatever that is??!!) to the wall over the computer!

    I TRULY believe you should consider writing a comedy-based book. Not a story as much as short excerpts like the one above. Call it something like “Everyday Ramblings of Your Average AADD OCD.”

    Your goal of having a published book could be reached without all the storyline problems that you seem to be running into with your current novel. It would also bring out a talent that you have that I’m not even sure that you’re aware that you have! Anyway… think about it.

    Thanks for starting my day with a hearty laugh (at your expense) but what are friends for?? 😉

    XOXOXOOX

    DL

  2. Can’t stop laughing!!! But sorry you feel bad.

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